Laura the Pinball Queen

Laura the Pinball Queen
Originally uploaded by ilovepaisley.

so, sometimes you think the night's a bust. maybe you're saying, "o-kay, maybe it wouldn't kill me to just go home one night" in a slurry, self-pitying voice, but you're roommate reminds you, "we just got here like 5 minutes ago. let's play pinball." and, well, she's right and everything changes.

you play pinball and all of a sudden the rest of the bar doesn't matter. and, of course, that's when people want to talk to you. guys want to buy you drinks, but all you want is quarters. and they ask "are you serious" and you're like, "yeah, I'm serious. here's two dollars. just get us some fucking quarters." shocked, they bring back a fistfull of coins and ask something stupid like, "are you going to play this all night?" And you answer, "yeah," because playing pinball is suddenly more satisfying than any drunken bar conversation. multiball ball beats an awkward phone number exchange any day.

of course, if someone's going to stand there and say tourretic things like "I like eggs (they're high in protein, low in carbs" and then digs through his pockets when Laura shakes him down for a quarter, it's cool. but he can't play one flipper. him digging out a quarter isn't reason enough to fuck up your game.

but all he wants in the world is a reaction. and he tries everything he can think of to fuck you up. like "I love south park. it's more of a political statement than a cartoon" or "paisley, you have really soft hands. you don't have any callouses." or, our personal favorite, "do you like hottubs?" (to which I shook my head "no" empahtically) "I've got a friend..." and laura asked, with her best sarcasm, "in the hills?" and his eyes lit up as he said, "yeah, in the hills." but even he couldn't keep a straight face at that point.

and then you realize he's playing as much of a game as you are. because his glasses are filthy. and plastic. and not prescription. and you realize he's not even wasted. in fact, his name isn't clyde. it's damien. and he's some actor "working on a character."

he's just a funny guy, who thought he could derail two girls playing pinball. but when he says, "I'm not gay, I just like cock once in a while," and paisley distractedly says, "that's a good thing to recognize about yourself" he sees we don't even care. all that matters is killing kenny. he's met his match and realizes he must respect our "author-i-tay."